Comments on: Boy Banned from Church

By: C. Smith

C. Smith — Tue, 27 May 2008 19:43:24 +0000

I have an autistic grandson and know how difficult it can be, but if he starts acting up in church or anywhere else we take him outside…It is not fair for the other people around you to have to be disturbed by the child, especially in church…In this case I feel the church could have found a better way rather than calling the police…

By: MetalGirl1

MetalGirl1 — Fri, 23 May 2008 18:58:55 +0000

As someone who has worked with handicapped and autistic people, I have a couple thoughts to share. The autistic people I worked with all had an inability to communicate. The things they do, although they may seem strange at times, are their attempts at communication. My opinion is this, if this priest would spend some time with this person, and build a relationship, he may then be able to understand what this person is trying to say and the feelings he is trying to convey.

This boy could be urinating out of fear, and the physical contact could be from fear as well. The trick is to somehow make this person feel comfortable and unafraid. Maybe it’s the crowd of people at church that makes him feel as though he needs to behave in this way. I’m not going to say that I have the answers, but I just think that these are some things to take into consideration. Autistic people are not mean spirited, or violent with the intent of hurting someone just to hurt them. I think that some research should be done by this priest, and some more understanding and consideration needs to be shown. But hey, this is just my opinion, and I could also be way off base…

By: beenthere

beenthere — Fri, 23 May 2008 06:23:55 +0000

I want to share the point of view of the parishioners. I am one. I have been a member of this church my whole life… the Race’s have been members for over ten years. We have embraced the family and helped them and ministered to them for over ten years. We LOVE this family. I particularly have a fondness for the two youngest girls. My heart breaks when I think that they will not be coming to our Masses because of this hurtful situation.
It also breaks my heart to have to say that as Adam has grown so large and is entering puberty, him behaviors truly have become violent and uncontrollable. His parents and teenage brother are the primary caregivers. And, when Adam is climbing over pews or bolting out of the door or getting into other people’s cars (in short, whenever it is appropriate or needed), other parishioners (the big strong men) do step in and help the family in controlling Adam (as much as that is even a possibility).
I hate to contradict the article or posts here, but the family has not taken advantage of our crying room for many years. They have a pew reserved for them in the back of the church. Our church building has a capacity for about 175 people, and as a Lector and Eucharistic Minister, I have the advantage of seeing the whole church. They are not inconspicuous – they sit in their pew. In fact, the crying room was one of the options that the church offered – along with mediation with an autism specialist to find other things that could help. The family refused all of the church’s offers.
We are a VERY small church. We truly did offer all that we could before it came to this. Our priest is miserable that it came to this. Our congregation stands behind this decision. We have been working with this family and with autism for ten years. We are not afraid of autism. We are not uneducated. We have other autistic parishioners. This is a tragic and isolated incident that has taken over a year of discussion and offers of help.
Please pray for our parish and for the family. Pray that hearts will be softened – the truth will be acknowledged – that understanding and love will prevail.

By: AG

AG — Wed, 21 May 2008 12:13:27 +0000

I just wanted to add my 2 cents. I grew up in Bertha MN. My family has attended mass at St Josephs for as long as I can remember. Even tho I am grown up and moved away my parents still attend mass there. Believe me when I say that that the media has only heard 1 side of the story. The church, for one reason or antoher, has decided not to come forth with more details concerning the situation. This isn’t a ‘new’ issue in the church, it has been going on for years. It’s very sad that it has come to banning the family, I agree with that. However, the family is hiding alot more then what the media is reporting as to how they are raising thier son. Please keep an open mind when reading what the media is reporting concerning this matter.

By: Tealitha

Tealitha — Tue, 20 May 2008 22:25:13 +0000

I have an autistic 7 year old we have been through alot with my son but if he was hurting others then i can understand where the church is comeing from. I also understand where his mother is comeing from. Its had not to feel like an outcast when your son acts up in public, People stare and make comments. Just a suggestion that might have been tried is I put my son in a behavior hospital to get his medication right it was hard but it really did help my son. Hope everything works out for the family I know its hard

By: Liz

Liz — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:29:43 +0000

Preists will do whatever they want. My Dad was banned from our Catholic church because he was too helpful. The preist didn’t like the fact that my Dad didn’t want to be paid to teach Sunday School. He literally put his hands on my Dad’s chest and pushed him out of mass. In court they didn’t have proof that the preist pushed him. However the preist did admit that he told my dad to leave mass and that he is not welcome in his own parrish.

By: Deb

Deb — Tue, 20 May 2008 19:47:50 +0000

The reality is that if you have a full grown man child who spits, urinates, drags small children onto his lap (his mom says he likes weight in his lap) has tried to run out of the church, has had to have his parents try to hold him down, had his parents acutally restrain him by tying up his hands and feet to keep him in church, etc., you need to consider other options for your child.

The Priest involved offered to hold Mass for her family in the fellowship hall and even come to their home. He has worked with several different agencies trying to find some way to accomodate them. The family has refused everything. They want only to come to church with their son for the “community” of it.
To expect a Mass to be repeatedly interrupted by a fully grown person who cannot be physically controlled is asking too much of any parish. Mass is a place of worship and reverence, not a brawl a minute. It is frightening to the children and to the elderly.

It is a sad situation but, most parents would realize that a relationship with God does not have to take place in the church, especially if the Priest is willing to come to your home and conduct mass. The parents are the selfish ones here.

By: Sonja

Sonja — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:40:49 +0000

MR.PENNY ,

YOU FOR YOUR MESSAGE.NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL ON THIS SUB.

REGARDS

By: Sonja

Sonja — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:31:00 +0000

MS. ALISYN,

I SEE FROM READING TODAY, I LOGGED OFF TO SOON AND DID NOT READ ENOUGH.AGAIN,SORRY,WITH SUGAR ON TOP.DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING I SAY TO HURTFULL OR OUT OF THE WAY .THIS IS JUST MY BORN TRUE( YES) TRUE BLONDE GOT TO KNOW ME WAY.
I DID,AND HAS MY FAMILY ,WOULD AGAIN, AGAIN DEFEND.I WILL GO TO THE MAT FOR EVERYONE NOMATTER WHO THAT IS JUST ME .

I SEND RAINBOWS…HEY,WHO DOES NOT LIKE RAINBOWS?

(I’M IN SCHOOL HERE OKAY?TOLD YOU I WAS NEW.I STAND IN CORNER)hee hee funny??

By: Paulette

Paulette — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:20:24 +0000

I would like to know how you would feel if this child sat behind your daughter in church and out of the blue groped or fondled your daughter in church? or urinate on your back?? These people have to tie him down with a leash or sit on him to control him. He is totally out of control worse than a wild animal at times. His mother probably doesn’t even have him on any medicine to help himself.

These people were given choices, they could sit in the crying room with him, or in the basement and watch mass via TV, or the priest even offered to go out to their house to have mass and they would not accept this. This was the last choice for the priest before anyone got seriously hurt or the church got sued for this. (You know everybody wants to sue the Catholic Church)

So please before you side with these people get the whole story. Like the problems the schools have had with them. Also, they had a foreign exchange student living with them, but I believe she has finally been removed.

Please investigate TOTALLY before going on with this terrible issue. I believe the parents are at fault.